Pride
by sock-yamaka
Summary: The Cold War is known these days as the first war fought without bloodshed. It's a lie. There is a reason they say Pride is a deadly sin. Contains rape, suicide attempt, loss of faith and Russia. Fair warning.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't… don't judge me.**

**Cold War! Rape! Unawesome Prussia! Geez, why WOULDN'T you read this? It's the perfect storm of messed up! **

**Before you try to get through this, let me tell you a little about Prussia and Russia from my brain. We all know Russia is the definition of yandere. He thinks he's being sweet, but really he's a dangerous psychopath who hurts everything he loves. Hima-Papa even says he knows not what he does. And Prussia is stubborn. So fucking stubborn. He will refuse to beg for his life even if there's a gun to his head. And I don't think he would beg for anything besides. "Please" isn't in his vocabulary. At least in my head.**

**I wouldn't say anything, but it's pertinent. **

**Fun words you might want to know!**

**Kotik/kisa: pet, literally 'kitty cat'**

**Rodnoi: good friend, especially family**

**Daragohy: darling**

**Solnyshko: sun, sunshine**

**Angel: exactly what it sounds like.**

**Okay! You're prepared! Now read!**

The basement was silent. Emptily, maddeningly, unbelievably silent. Russia didn't like when it was so silent. It made him afraid.

He walked down the stairs, touching the dripping concrete walls. He knew on some level that concrete was not supposed to drip like that, but like most things in his house, he had learned to accept it. Depending on his mood, the walls of the basement either seemed to weep or bleed mildew laced blood.

Russia wiped a cold tear away from the wall and continued to walk to his special room.

The silence was oppressive. It weighed on Russia like twenty feet of water. Even the slow "clunk… clunk… clunk…" of his steel tipped boots couldn't reassure him. So quietly, he lifted his voice in a hushed tune.

"You are my sunshine… my only sunshine…"

He heard a hollow whimper from the end of the hall. From his Bleeding Room. Russia smiled and knocked on the door.

"Gilbert? May I come in?"

The other side of the door grunted as Prussia struggled against his ropes. What a playful pet!

"Fuck you," Prussia's voice snarled.

Russia did not hear a 'no,' so he cheerfully opened the door.

The room was small, but it was mostly empty so it seemed rather larger. The only decoration against the stained walls was his slumped albino pet. Prussia wore tight knots around his wrists and ankles and nothing else. Why would he need clothes? Russia reasoned. It's not like anyone but he and his other pets would see the albino. Besides, clothes just got in the way. When Russia had discovered that the Prussia's lips were turning blue from the naked cold, Russia gave him a blanket. He was very kind to his pets.

Prussia had cast the blanket into the corner, however. He refused to even sleep on it. Russia had worried that perhaps the wool quilt was not comfortable, but it was, unfortunately the best he could give.

Instead, Prussia was curled into a ball in the corner, huddling himself against the cold. Russia made note of the green and purple bruises on the bony white back. He frowned. Russia did not much like bruises, but Prussia must have thought they were pretty. Otherwise, why would he keep asking for them?

"Did you sleep well, _kotik_?"

Prussia responded by hugging himself tighter. Russia wished he could see his face.

"You are cold, da? Perhaps you will use your blanket?"

Prussia growled at Russia angrily. Russia was worried. He looked at the bones protruding from his pet's sides and clucked his tongue.

"You are getting so thin, _moy rodnoi._ Have you not been eating?"

Prussia turned around suddenly and glared at Russia. His skin was gray and loose and his lips were a deep gray-blue. The skin around his crimson eyes was dark. He hadn't been sleeping either.

"I'm not eating your fucking food," Prussia spat. "I'm not using your fucking blanket, I'm not sleeping on your fucking floor, and I'm not your fucking _rodnoi_. Fuck you, Ivan.

Russia was distressed. "You have been here a long time. I had hoped you would grow to like my house."

"You put me in the goddamned basement!"

Russia stroked Prussia's matted hair affectionately and Prussia recoiled.

"Is there somewhere in my house you would rather be?" Russia asked sincerely. All Prussia had to do was say 'please,' and Russia would make it happen. He was very kind to his pets.

Prussia hugged his knees to his bruised chest. "I want to go home."

"You _are _home," Russia smiled. "You live here now, _moy kotik_. Remember? The rest of the world wanted you dead, even your brother. But I took you into my home because I care for you. That means my home is your home."

Prussia's eyes narrowed and he blinked rapidly. When he did this, it confused Russia. There was no need to blink back tears when you have someone who loves you with you. Yes, it must have hurt when Prussia realized that the rest of the world saw him as a useless relic of the past, a pathetic shadow of his former glory. But Russia did not care that the albino was useless. He loved him anyway, and told him so often.

Prussia coughed. Long, loud, wet, heaving bursts of lung echoed against the bleeding walls and Russia frowned.

"You are getting sick. Why are you not taking care of yourself, Gilbert?"

Prussia glared silently up at Russia. Russia frowned.

"I will ask Elizaveta to bring you medicine tomorrow."

"I'm not taking your fucking Commie medicine," Prussia growled.

"At least eat something, my stubborn little kitten. I fear you are wasting away!"

"I'm not eating your Commie food, either!"

Russia sat down and chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Perhaps you do not like the taste?"

"I hate everything here!"

"Hm," Russia said. "That is unfortunate. I rather like Hungary's cooking, but if she cannot perform to my little Gilbert's tastes… I shall have to punish her."

Prussia's eyes widened. "_N-nein_," he said. "Don't hurt Liz!"

"I don't see a choice," Russia said, distressed. "Her cooking is so awful, you'd rather be ill than eat. She is making you sick."

"She's not," Prussia insisted. "Her cooking is fine!"

"Will you eat, then?" Russia asked hopefully.

"Fine! I'll fucking eat! Don't hurt Liz!"

"Da!" Russia smiled. "That makes me so happy to hear!"

Russia watched as Prussia slowly sat up. He looked to be in pain, but every time Russia ever moved to help him, Prussia would snap and hiss. So Russia kept his hands to himself and tried to smile encouragingly.

"Why the hell are you still here?" Prussia snapped at Russia. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"What could be better than making sure my Gilbert is happy?" Russia patted Prussia on the leg and Prussia shuddered in repulsion and covered his nakedness.

"What do you think, Ivan?" Prussia said. "Do I look very happy?"

"_Nyet_. And that is why I am worried."

"So let me go," Prussia said. "Untie me and let me leave."

"Where would you go?" Russia asked, curiously. "Every one of your friends wants you dead. Even your brother cast you out."

Prussia's eyes welled up with tears. "That's not true… He was just too weak to do anything…."

"And what of your friends, _moy dahragohy_? France? England? America? They all voted for your death. Everyone else did nothing. I alone took you into my home. I alone care for you."

Prussia squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears run silently down his face. He _should_ be dead. He knew that. But for the sadistic grace of Russia, he would be. He raised his arms to his face, but he couldn't lift them high enough. He was so weak. Too weak. Would dead really be that much worse than this horrible half-life?

A sob escaped Prussia's throat. "I wish I was dead."

Russia pressed a finger to the albino's gray lips. "Shh, don't say such things, _angel moy. _You do not mean that."

"I do," Prussia whispered. "I wish I was dead. I'd rather be dead than here."

Russia pulled the bony figure into his lap and held him to his chest. Prussia struggled feebly, but he was exhausted and cold and weak from starving himself. Russia wrapped his giant arms around the shivering albino and rocked him back and forth.

"You are my sunshine… my only sunshine…. You make me happy when skies are gray…."

Prussia dissolved into a fresh wave of sobs and tried to struggle out of the Russian's lap, but Russia held him tight against his chest.

"No… no, don't…."

"Don't what?" Russia said innocently, stroking his pet's thigh.

Prussia shuddered in repulsion. "D-don't touch me…."

Russia nibbled affectionately on Prussia's white neck. "But it will make you feel better. Everyone feels better when they are being loved, da?"

Prussia whimpered, terrified. "Don't touch me… don't touch me…."

Russia let Prussia squirm out of his lap, half amused. "Very well. I will not touch. But I need to make sure you are happy before I leave."

Prussia's eyes glared like steel suddenly and he set his brows in a defiant line. "I will never be happy here."

Russia smiled indulgently. "You have nowhere else to go, so you may as well start being happy, da?"

"Fuck you, Ivan. Fuck you so hard."

Russia leaned back and looked at Prussia. "I am only trying to make you happy, _moy kisa_."

"You can't make me happy," Prussia said, fire returning to his manner. "I'd be happier if I was dead."

"Gilbert, you are being very disagreeable."

"I don't fucking care-!" Prussia was cut off as Russia slapped him across the face. The force knocked Prussia to the ground with a loud "Oof!" He tasted blood and tears sprang into his eyes.

"Gilbert," Russia said calmly as the ex-nation struggled to right himself again. "I am trying to make you happy. That will not work if you do not cooperate. So for both of us, try with me."

Prussia glared and wiped the blood from his lips. But he sat silently, waiting for the Russian to leave.

Russia didn't. Instead, he gave an innocent smile. "Now then. Touch yourself."

Prussia's eyes widened in horror, but he tried to keep a cool face. "What?"

"Do it, Gilbert. It will make you happy again."

"You're kidding, right? That's not funny."

Russia smiled and Prussia's eyes widened.

"You're sick. I'm not doing that."

Russia scooted closer. "Anything is better than watching _solnyshko moyo_ want to die. Trust me. You will feel better."

"No!" Prussia said, panicking. "I don't want to!"

"You have to try," Russia said earnestly. "You may not like it at first, but when you're done you will feel better!"

"I'm not doing that, you're disgusting!"

Russia sighed. "Very well. I will do it."

"No!" Prussia recoiled from Russia's outstretched hand. "Keep the hell away from me!"

"What is the problem, little Gilbert? It will make you happy again!"

"No it fucking won't! Don't touch me!"

"Depression is very serious, Gilbert," Russia said. "I do not want you to hurt yourself. So we will try this, and if that does not work we will try something else."

"NO!" Prussia yelled. "Keep the fuck away from me!"

"I will not touch so long as you take care of yourself. Da?"

Prussia paused and bit his lip. Russia sighed and reached out to his pet.

"Take a deep breath. It will all be over soon."

"NO!" Prussia yelled. He shuddered and slowly wrapped his bony hands around his flaccid length.

Russia sat back, satisfied. "You see? That feels good, da? Now you move your hands up and down."

Prussia turned a deep red and glared at the floor. "Can't you go away?"

"Don't be silly," Russia scolded. "I must make sure my pet takes his medicine. Now move your hands up and down."

Prussia closed his eyes in shame and did as he was told. A tear made its way down his ashen cheek and Russia felt sad for him.

"You are still sad. Maybe you are not doing it right?"

Prussia was silent as he slowly and resentfully pulled his still-limp member.

"No," Russia decided. "You are definitely not doing it right. You are not even stiff!"

"You're disgusting," Prussia hissed.

Russia looked at his watch and realized he had a meeting in an hour. He sighed. "Hurry, _angel moy_. I need to meet with China very soon."

Prussia stopped feebly touching himself and he leaned against the wall. "Go. I don't even want you here in the first place."

"But your medicine…"

"It's not fucking medicine, Ivan! You're the one that's sick!"

Russia felt a stab of anger. All he wanted to do was make his darling pet feel happy. Gilbert complained and complained, but he never suggested to Russia a way to make things better. All he ever said was that he wanted to go home, and that wasn't possible anymore.

He really didn't know what was best for himself. But Russia did.

Russia leaned forward and Prussia jumped away from him. But all Russia did was work at the knots binding his wrists.

Prussia's eyes suddenly lit up in surprise. "R-really? You're letting me go?"

Russia held the rope in his hands. "Hm? Go where?"

Prussia's ghost smile faltered. "Go… go home. Back to my family."

"I told you," Russia said, pinning Prussia's hands behind his back. "Your family hates you. This is your home now."

Prussia's eyes widened in fear as he felt the ropes tighten against his wrists.

"N-no! No, stop!"

Russia traced his finger down the immobilized Prussia's body. "Say please," he said.

"Fuck you, I'm not begging! Stop touching me!"

Russia smiled happily and sucked on Prussia's neck. He really would have stopped if Prussia asked nicely. He was very kind to his pets. But Prussia had not asked nicely which could only mean that he didn't want Russia to stop.

Russia left little butterfly kisses down Prussia's chest. He made sure he paid extra attention to the bruises- even though Prussia probably liked them, they still looked like they hurt.

Prussia struggled and shouted, but Russia held down his hips and kissed the limp organ. "Watch very carefully," Russia instructed. "I'm going to show you how to feel better."

"D-don't!"

Russia held the flaccid member in one hand and cupped Prussia's balls in the other. Prussia screamed for help as Russia slowly took the entire length in his mouth. He swallowed twice and broke away, confused.

"Eh? Not even a little?"

Prussia was shaking violently, yelling for Lithuania, Estonia, Ukraine, _anyone_ to help him. Russia squeezed Prussia's balls, annoyed, and the albino yelped in pain.

"You are not cooperating," Russia said. "Let me help you and this will all be done very quickly."

"LIZ! Fucking SOMEBODY! HELP! HELP!"

Russia slapped a hand over Prussia's mouth so hard his head banged against the wall. Prussia squeezed his eyes shut and moaned in pain.

"You are being very disagreeable, _kotik_. You must sit back and let Russia take care of you, da?"

Prussia was too dizzy to fight back. His slumped body was limp against the wall. He let out a few feeble protests through Russia's hand, but he didn't move.

Russia was satisfied. "Good. Now sit still."

Russia kept his hand over Prussia's mouth and used the other to slowly massage Prussia's limp organ. Now that Prussia was too weak to fight, he grew hard quicker. Not as quick as Russia would have liked, but he would take what he could get.

"Very good." Russia took his hand from Prussia's mouth and kissed the half-mast member. He ran his tongue back and forth across the tip, teasing. Prussia whimpered.

"S-stop…"

"Say please."

Instead, Prussia gave one last feeble tug at the ropes behind his back and sobbed.

Russia frowned. His pet was sadder than ever. Why? He would have to work faster.

"Ah… AH! OW!" Prussia yelled as Russia pulled too hard, too fast. "AUGH! STOP!"

Russia ignored him and went faster. He stroked Prussia's balls affectionately, rubbing them in little circles, as he jerked his pet.

Prussia's face flooded with tears. "STOP! GODDAMMIT, STOP, YOU PSYCHOPATH!"

He didn't say please, Russia noted with pleasure. As he jerked violently on his pet, Russia leaned up and licked a tear away.

"Don't cry," he murmured happily. "It will be over soon."

Prussia broke into a fresh wave of sobs. Suddenly, the very tip of his member spurted feebly into Russia's hand.

Russia looked in surprise at how little there was. He gave a few more experimental tugs to see if he could make Prussia come more, but he was already limp again. Prussia fell to his side and turned to face the wall, sobbing. Russia stroked his naked back encouragingly.

"There, there. Maybe next time you will be more relaxed. It feels better when you are relaxed, da?"

Prussia curled into a tighter ball, his hands still tied behind his back. He sobbed into the bleeding wall.

Russia sucked the salty cum from his hand and rubbed the back of Prussia's head. He looked curiously at the blood in his hair, wondering how it got there. "I wish I could untie you, _angel moy_. But you remember the last time I let you use your hands after I loved you. We can't let that happen again, da?"

Russia stroked the dark scars in Prussia's arms and clicked his tongue. "You are such a stubborn little kitten. If you would only ask, I would help you be happy."

Prussia murmured into the wall and sobbed harder.

"What was that, _kisa_?"

"P-please," Prussia whispered. "Let me d-die…."

Russia took his limp pet into his arms and rocked him back and forth. He sang gently.

"You are my sunshine… my only sunshine… you make me happy when skies are gray."

Prussia coughed heavily. Russia stroked his neck.

"You'll never know, dear… how much I love you…. Please don't take my sunshine away."

…**Er…**

**I… I don't want to talk about it…**

**Rate and review if you want. I'm gonna go take a shower for three days.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah! Um, thank you for reading! Seriously, I appreciate it!**

**Geez, you know when you're writing fanfiction and you look at the clock and realize that it's 2 am and you have an early class? But then you're like, "Noooo, I just got to the good part!" And you decide to just pull an all-nighter and drink a gallon of coffee in the morning?**

**This chapter focuses mostly on Gilbert and Liz. But it does open it up for the next chapter or so.**

**Warning! There's a lot of disturbing stuff going on. But you know that already, don't you?**

Hungary watched the basement door, shaking in anger. The screams made every inch of her body ache in helpless despair and she clutched the spatula to her chest, eyes filling with impotent tears.

Gilbert… Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?

Lithuania came into the kitchen to find Hungary digging holes into the back of her hand and watching the door.

The screams.

"LIZ! Fucking SOMBODY! HELP! HELP!"

Hungary's knees buckled and Lithuania ran to catch her.

"It's okay," he whispered into her hair. "It's okay…."

Hungary sobbed and held onto Lithuania's neck. "S-stop him!" she cried. "Please, make him stop!"

Lithuania could only helplessly hug the woman back.

The basement door shook again. "AUGH! STOP!"

Hungary's nails dug into Lithuania's neck, but he didn't care. The woman sobbed into his neck.

"We… we h-have to get o-out of here," she trembled.

Lithuania stroked Hungary's hair and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. It will stop when he gives in. It always does."

Hungary looked up at Lithuania, her green eyes spilling onto her dirty face. "Gilbert will never give in! Don't you understand?"

She broke into a fresh wave of sobs and Lithuania clutched her to his chest helplessly.

…

A little while later, Russia came out of the basement door, looking troubled. Hungary violently kneaded dough for their supper and focused every ounce of her energy into making the little balls suffer. Russia came up to Hungary and watched her, silently. She turned red in fury and avoided his gaze.

"Elizaveta," he said. Hungary's breath hitched in her throat and she closed her eyes.

"Elizaveta, I am worried about Gilbert. I do not think he is happy."

Hungary bit her lip and braced herself on the counter, silently. Russia patted her shoulder.

"I would like very much if you would talk to him. And make him something he likes for supper. I am not saying it is your fault, but he has not been eating well."

Hungary let out the breath she'd been holding. "Okay."

"And take some cough syrup down to him, da? He is getting sick."

Russia left a key on the counter and walked quietly out of the room. Hungary's flour-covered hands flew to her face to stop the tears. She bit her lip and forced them back.

There was some leftover strudel on the counter from breakfast and Hungary grabbed it and wrapped it in a cloth. She found the least bruised apple from the fruit basket and stuffed it in the pocket of her apron with a bottle of foul medicine. There wasn't any meat to speak of, but there was a large hunk of bread meant for Hungary's own lunch. She shook as she filled a metal cup with water from the pitcher. She grabbed everything and bolted to the basement door, slamming the key into the lock.

She heard the soft sobbing before anything else. Hungary ran to the end of the hall, to the Bleeding Room, and fumbled with the lock.

"G-Gilbert, it's me."

The sobbing stopped abruptly and Hungary threw the door open.

Prussia lay, naked, against the dripping concrete wall, arms tied behind his back. His shoulders shook and he buried his face against the wall.

Hungary set everything down and grabbed the wool quilt from the corner. She wrapped it around Prussia's limp body and held him to her chest, rocking back and forth.

"It's okay. It's okay, I'm here." Hungary rubbed the wool into Prussia's skin and felt her eyes fill. His breath was shallow and rattling and he didn't move.

Hungary buried her face in Prussia's back and sobbed. "Gilbert… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…."

"It's okay, Liz."

"I'm so sorry, Gilbert!"

"Liz," Prussia said soothingly. "It's not your fault."

Hungary wrapped her arms around Prussia's shoulders and cried. He winced in pain and Hungary jumped back.

"Where does it hurt?" she asked frantically. "Tell me where."

"Just untie me."

Hungary moved to take the blanket from Prussia's shoulders but he panicked.

"No! Don't look!"

Hungary closed her eyes and threw the blanket around Prussia's waist. She fumbled with the knots and Prussia sighed in relief, pulling the quilt back around his shoulders.

Hungary untied Prussia's feet and he sat up, trembling. She offered him the water. He drank greedily and she smiled.

"I brought strudel."

Prussia looked like he wanted to refuse, but his eyes softened when he saw how eager she was.

"I like your strudel," his voice strained. He coughed violently and Hungary frowned.

"I've got cough syrup too. It's foul, but-"

"I don't want it."

Hungary watched as Prussia tore into her food, confused. "I know it's horrible, but it'll make you feel better."

Prussia swallowed half the bread. "I don't want it, Liz. Take it away."

Hungary suddenly saw the dark blood matted in Prussia's silver hair. "Gilbert, you're bleeding."

Prussia paused and reached his hand to his head. He seemed to be surprised.

"Lovely," he said. He coughed.

Hungary reached for the bottle of cough syrup, but Prussia slapped her hand away. "Liz, _no_. I'm not taking it."

"Stop being so fucking stubborn, you idiot. Look at where it's gotten you!"

Prussia's eyes steeled and he glared at Hungary. She averted her eyes and blushed.

"Gilbert, please," she whispered. "You're going to die."

"I know," Prussia said.

"So stop! Ask Russia to stop! He'll listen, I swear! Remember when I first came here?"

"I won't beg, Liz. I can't."

"You can't win," Hungary cried. "He's not even playing the same game as you! Gil, his brain works differently than yours! You can't win!"

Prussia took a chunk out if the apple and sighed. "I can't show weakness."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Prussia stared at his feet. "I refuse to break down any more. I'm already weak enough."

"Surviving isn't weakness, you idiot! Just ask him to stop! Say please, you stubborn fucking asshole!"

Prussia met Hungary's eyes and she almost yelled out in shock. His crimson eyes were so… _empty._

"You did the right thing, Liz," he said. "And no matter how bad it gets for me, it was worse when I knew he was doing it to you, too."

"How do you think I feel?" she whispered.

Prussia licked the last of the strudel off his fingers. "Stop. It's worse for you and you know it. You have people waiting for you to come home. You have Specs and Feli and Poland and even West. You have people that care what happens to you. I have no one."

"That's not true!" Hungary shouted. "Estonia's been watching the mail! Every single day there's a new message from Berlin! Every day!"

"Stop," Prussia said harshly. "Don't do that to me. We both know West handed me over. And why not? I'm nothing."

"Don't say that," Hungary sobbed. "Please, please don't say that."

"I'm nothing, Liz. I used to be so big and so strong. I used to make the world tremble. Now look at me." Prussia held out a thin arm. "I'm pathetic. And I'm not even allowed the honor of dying in battle."

Hungary wrapped her arms around Prussia's neck and held him to her chest. "You're not nothing, Gilbert. Please don't say that."

Prussia laid his head on Hungary's shoulder and sighed, lungs rattling. He coughed lightly and Hungary kissed his forehead.

"Do you remember when we were kids?" she whispered.

"That was ages ago, Liz."

"I don't care how long ago it was. You're still that obnoxious dick who taught me how to protect myself. Remember how long it took for you to teach me how to ride a horse?"

Prussia sighed. Hungary persisted.

"I fell down, like, thirty times. And you laughed so hard!"

"I was pretty cute."

Hungary offered a shaky laugh. "How about when we tried beer for the first time? When we snuck into Grandpa Germania's brewery? We ended up beating up Switzerland for no good reason."

Hungary took a cloth from her apron pocket and patted at the blood in Prussia's hair. "You were there the day I got married, telling me it was an awful idea. I almost kicked you out, but you were such a huge part of my life I just couldn't. And you were there when the divorce was finalized, singing 'I told you so, I told you so!'"

Prussia closed his eyes and Hungary looked at him fondly. "But that night, after I had drunk myself into a stupor and thrown myself at you like an idiot…. You carried me up to bed and took off my shoes. I was pretending to be asleep so you wouldn't try to talk to me. You pulled the covers over my shoulders and you played with my hair. And just when I thought I was going to fall asleep, you spoke."

Prussia turned red. "You were _awake_?"

Hungary smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Do you remember what you said? 'I missed you.' You kissed my hair and told me you missed me. And for the first time since Roderich and I started having problems, I felt safe. You did that for me, Gil. You made me feel like everything was going to be okay."

Hungary felt Prussia's hands on her hips. She laughed. "Haha! Okay."

Prussia began to tremble and he took his hands away. Hungary frowned.

"Gil?"

"Th-thank you, Liz. Really. Thank you."

Liz smiled and hugged Prussia. "I love you, you idiot. And we're going to get out of this together. Okay? We're going to find out way home."

Prussia was still. "I love you too, Lizzy. I do."

Hungary heard her name being called from upstairs. She'd probably burned something, judging by Estonia's annoyed tone. She didn't care. She wanted to stay down here with Prussia and hold him until he fell asleep. She owed him that much after what happened.

"Go," Prussia whispered.

"No way," she smiled. "I'm staying down here with you."

"Liz, you're going to get in trouble."

"So what? I haven't been in trouble in a while. It's getting boring." Hungary's cocky laugh died in her throat when she saw Prussia's face.

"Please," he murmured. "Go."

Hungary squeezed his hand. "I'll be down in an hour to bring you dinner. Okay?"

"Okay."

Hungary reluctantly stood up. Prussia grabbed her hand suddenly and she started.

Prussia's eyes stayed glued to the ground. "I-I mean it, Liz. I love you. You were my best friend growing up, and I'm glad you've been with me."

Hungary felt tears spring to her eyes and she fell to her knees to hug him once more. "I love you, Gil. And I swear to God, we're going to get out of this. I'm going to get us out of here."

"Promise?"

"On my life."

Prussia reached up and kissed Hungary on the forehead. "I don't want you to wait for me. If you have a single opportunity to make it, you take it, okay? You can always come back for me later."

"I'm not leaving without you, stupid. Germany would kill me."

"Liz. I need you to promise."

Hungary tugged Prussia's ear playfully. "I'm not promising that, Gil. I'm not going to leave without you."

Prussia's eyes suddenly turned desperate. "Liz. _Please_."

Hungary was taken aback by the word. "What?"

"You have a better chance to make it without me. I don't want you to stay a single night more just because you're waiting for me to get stronger. You can always regroup when you're safe and come back for me, right? _Please_. I need you to promise."

Hungary felt her chest constrict. "Gil…"

"_Please_."

Hungary hugged Prussia to her chest. "No matter what, I'll always come back for you. Okay? I'll never abandon you."

"Thank you," Prussia breathed.

Hungary stood up and headed walked out, closing the door gently behind her. She walked up the steps and reached for the key in her pocket.

It wasn't there.

"Huh," she said. "I could have sworn it was in here."

Mystified, she walked back to the bleeding room and opened the door. "Gilbert, have you seen the- _oh my God_!"

Prussia was slumped in the corner, covered in blood. He held the blood-stained skeleton key in his unmutilated arm. Malevolent dark blood spurted from the gashes in his wrist and he looked up at Hungary, exhausted.

"_TORIS!_" Hungary screeched as she ran to Prussia. "_E-EDUARD! HELP!_"

Hungary put all her weight on Prussia's arm, but the blood wouldn't stop flowing. It mocked her, spurting between her fingers.

Prussia turned his head in mild curiosity. "Dinner's burning," he whispered. Go… you'll get in trouble."

"_TORIS!_" Hungary screamed. "_HURRY! FUCKING HURRY!_"

There was a pounding on the basement door. Hungary realized with horror that she had the only key to get in or out of the basement, and it was covered in blood. They were locked in.

"Elizaveta!" Lithuania's voice yelled, terrified. "What's going on?"

"BLOOD!" she screamed. "THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD! HELP ME!"

Prussia gave a weak little laugh. "It feels just like I thought it would. Who'd have thought I'd be right after all, huh, Lizzy?"

"Fuck you, Gilbert," Hungary sobbed. "Fuck you so hard. Don't do this to me."

The basement door pounded and Lithuania screamed something unintelligible. Hungary took off her apron and tried to tie it around the gushing black wounds, but it was soaked too quickly. She laid on Prussia's arm and sobbed.

Prussia stroked Hungary's back weakly. "I'm so happy I had you in my life," he murmured. His eyes closed and Hungary wept deliriously, clutching the ripped wrist to her chest.

There was a smash. The pounding of footsteps. Hungary was torn from Prussia and thrown to the wall.

"N-NO!" she screamed. "Don't touch him! DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM, YOU MONSTER!"

She tried to leap at the white haired figure, fingers burning to tear Russia's throat out of his neck. But she was restrained.

"Elizaveta, ELIZAVETA! Calm down!"

Hungary tried to rip herself from Lithuania's grip. "Toris, don't let him fucking touch him! Stop him, goddammit! Get him away from Gilbert!"

Lithuania slapped his hand over Hungary's mouth. "Sh! You'll alert Russia!"

Lithuania's words didn't register completely with Hungary. She thrashed and bit and struggled violently to get away, to murder the white haired figure that bent over her best friend's lifeless body. It wasn't until the figure spoke that Hungary stopped fighting.

"Toris," Ukraine said. "It's bad. You need to get Estonia right away."

"Elizaveta," Lithuania said, "I'm sorry. You need to stay down here with Katyusha and Gilbert. I'll be right back."

"Hurry," Hungary sobbed.

Lithuania ran out of the room.

Ukraine worked quickly. "How did this happen?" she asked as she ripped the blood-soaked apron.

"H-he must have stolen the key while I wasn't looking!"

"Then you untied him?" Ukraine's eyes turned steely with resolve as she leaned her weight to stop the bleeding. "Elizaveta, you _know_ what happened last time!"

"I'm sorry!" Hungary cried. "It's my fault, it's all my fault!"

Footsteps pounded down the hall and Lithuania and Estonia ran into the room, breathless. Estonia ran straight to Prussia and Ukraine and brandished his needle and thread. Lithuania pulled Hungary's face to his shoulder and hushed her sobbing.

"Don't look," he murmured. "Don't look."

Hungary shook and wept. "It's all my fault…."

"No, shh. It's not your fault. You didn't do this. Don't watch, Elizaveta. Close your eyes."

Hungary collapsed into Lithuania's lap and sobbed. Lithuania bent over her protectively.

"He's not breathing!" Ukraine's voice panicked.

"No pulse! Hurry, get on his chest!"

Hungary silently passed out.

…

Hungary came to on the cold concrete, and the first thing she did was panic.

"Gilbert!" she yelled. She looked around the concrete prison. The only sign of Prussia was the enormous puddle of blood in the corner. "Gilbert!"

There were footsteps and Lithuania ran into the room. "Elizaveta?"

"Toris," Hungary cried desperately. "Gilbert!"

"He's alive," Lithuania said, getting on his knees. "Barely. He's still unconscious, though. Eduard says there's no guarantee."

Hungary choked and tried to stand up and run out to find him, but Lithuania held her shoulders.

"There's nothing you can do right now. You need to calm down."

"W-where is he?" Hungary stammered. "I need to find him!"

"Ukraine took him to her room. She and Estonia are doing everything they can. But he really did a number on himself, Elizaveta."

"He's been through worse," Hungary said. "Hell, _I've_ put him through worse. He can make it."

Lithuania looked sadly at the Hungarian woman. "Elizaveta, don't get your hopes up. Even if he makes it, he's seriously depressed. He'll need to be under 24 hour supervision, and restrained even more."

"That's not going to make him less depressed!" Hungary shouted. "That's going to make him worse!"

Lithuania looked sadly at Hungary. "I don't know how much longer he can stay here. He needs to get out."

Hungary stood up, eyes flashing steel. She brushed past Lithuania to the basement hall.

"Elizaveta? Where are you going?"

"Where's Russia?" Hungary asked coolly.

"U-um, he's still in China. Katyushka has Natalia stalling him for as long as possible."

"Good." Hungary stomped up the stairs and through the rubble of the door Ukraine smashed. She went to her room and stuffed everything she could fit into her bag. Lithuania appeared at the door nervously.

"What are you doing?" he said.

"I'm going home," Hungary said simply. "I'm going to find my way home and get Austria and Germany to help me get Gilbert back."

"Y-you're just going to leave?"

"There's no other choice," Hungary said, slinging her few possessions over her shoulder. "Gilbert can't stay here any longer. He's going to die. And he's too weak to move right now. I need help."

Lithuania stared in wonder as Hungary made her way to Ukraine's room.

Estonia sat beside Prussia's bed, holding his limp, stitched wrist. Ukraine bustled around, placing wet rags on his head, taking his pulse, making sure he was still breathing. Estonia sensed Hungary at the door and jumped in shock. Hungary looked down and realized she was still covered in Prussia's blood.

Ukraine looked at Hungary sadly. "We're doing the best we can," she said.

Hungary wordlessly sat on the bed and leaned over Prussia.

"You horrible idiot," she whispered. "Don't you dare die. I'm coming back for you. You hear me? I'm coming back for your ungrateful ass. And if you're dead when I get back here, I will find my way to the gates of Hell so I can drag you back home by your ear."

Hungary kissed Prussia on the forehead. His skin was so cold…

.

"Elizaveta?" Estonia said.

Hungary stood up and tied her hair back. She looked up at Ukraine.

"Thank you for taking care of him. You too, Eduard. Please keep him safe. I swear to God I'll be back for him."

Before either could say a single word, Hungary burst into a sprint. She ran out of the house, away from the nightmares within.

It was going to be a long, long way back to her home. But Hungary kept running as if the devil was chasing her. Tears sprang to her eyes as she saw the golden sun creep over the horizon.

"Hang on, Gilbert!" she yelled into the wind. "I'm coming back for you!"

**Er… hello…**

**I know you're wondering where Latvia was. The short answer is he ran downstairs after Liz passed out and saw the carnage. Lithuania rushed him out of the room because he's too young to see an attempted suicide.**

**Um, review or something. I get scared in my brain all alone.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I just… okay. This is a chapter. I feel like it should have more Russia, but Russia scares the hell out of me sometimes and my brain was like, "FUCK that, more Liet!"**

**EDIT: I tried to fix the German. I was alerted to my un-Germanness. Thank you, NekoFye!  
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Lithuania came to Ukraine's bedroom in a daze. He met Estonia's gaze and they shared a confused look.

"What's wrong?" Ukraine asked.

"Elizaveta…" Lithuania started.

"She just… _left_," Estonia said.

Ukraine wrapped Prussia's wounded arm in a long bandage. "Why does that shock you?"

Lithuania cocked his head. "I didn't know you _could_ leave."

Ukraine tilted her head curiously. "I… never thought about it like that."

Prussia gave a hollow cough from the bed and Lithuania sat on the edge. "How is he?"

"Improving," Estonia said simply. "He's started to fidget in his sleep."

Lithuania bit his lip. "I think we should leave him a little longer."

"No," Ukraine said sadly. "He might catch us off guard again. We have to restrain him while he's still asleep."

Lithuania looked at Ukraine pleadingly. "They give him night-terrors, Katyusha. That's the last thing we need."

Estonia proffered the ragged ropes. "No, the last thing we need is him ripping out his stitches and trying again, like last time. Take the rope."

The three tied Prussia's shoulders, hips and knees to the bed, making sure his hands were immobile. Lithuania bit his lip.

"There's no other way?"

"Not unless you think you can hold him down when he wakes up," Ukraine frowned.

Prussia's eyebrows suddenly scrunched together in his sleep and he murmured.

"_N-nein… nein!_"

Ukraine bent over the unconscious man and stroked his hair gently.

"Gilbert, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe."

"_R-runter… runter von mir!_"

Prussia began to struggle against the ropes and Lithuania and Estonia each reached for one of his hands. His right hand was still weak from the damage, but his left hand crushed Lithuania's.

Lithuania gasped in pain. "Gilbert, you're okay! Wake up!"

"_Hilfe!_" Prussia sobbed in his sleep. "_Hilf mir!_"

"We're here," Ukraine said, panicking. "You're okay, we're here for you!"

Prussia tossed his head back and forth. His eyes opened suddenly and he tried to bolt up, but the ropes around his shoulders held him down. His eyes widened in fear and he screamed.

"N-no! No, get it off me! _Get it off me! HELP!_"

Estonia grabbed Prussia's face and forced him to look at him. "Gilbert, you're safe. Nothing's going to happen to you."

Prussia's eyes met Estonia's and they filled with tears. "W-where's Liz?"

"Give him some water," Ukraine said gently. Estonia took the glass from the nightstand and lifted it to Prussia's lips. He drank until he choked.

"Do you know where you are?" Lithuania asked, stroking the back of Prussia's hand.

"Where's Liz? D-did he…"

"Russia's away," Lithuania comforted. "He doesn't know yet."

"I'm sorry, Liz," Prussia sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"How are you feeling?" Estonia asked.

"Untie me."

"You know why we can't do that," Estonia sighed. "We have to keep you like this until we're sure you won't try to hurt yourself again."

Prussia turned his head to the side and sobbed. "L-Liz, I'm so s-sorry!"

Lithuania held Prussia's hand and hummed a soothing lullaby. Prussia's sobs turned into ragged coughs and he closed his eyes. Ukraine stroked his hair gently.

Prussia's legs shuffled. He raised his head in surprise. "P-pants?"

"We thought you might want to be decent," Estonia explained. Prussia's eyes spilled over in gratitude.

"Th-thank you," he cried. "Thank you."

Lithuania smiled. "They really are a blessing, aren't they?" Prussia nodded and smiled.

"Do you remember what happened?" Ukraine asked.

Prussia looked at her pleadingly. "Where's Liz? I need to talk to her."

The Satellites looked away awkwardly.

"She… she left," Ukraine said.

"Left? Left where?"

"She said she was going home," Lithuania said.

Prussia's eyes widened and he blinked back tears. "Sh-she's gone?"

"She said she was getting help. She promised she'd be back."

Prussia sniffed. "No, that's… good. I told her to get her ass out of here. Russia doesn't know, does he?"

Lithuania shook his head. "Russia doesn't know anything. Natalia's distracting him for now."

"Can she make it, do you think?" Prussia looked pleadingly up at the three.

Lithuania forced a nervous smile. "If anyone can make it, it's Elizaveta."

Prussia nearly sobbed in relief. "G-good for her."

"Are you okay?" Ukraine asked.

"O-of course. I told her not to wait for me. Sh-she's finally listening."

There was a pounding of footsteps from the hall and everyone watched as a terrified Latvia skidded into the room.

"H-he's here!" Latvia yelled. "He's coming!"

The three Satellites leapt to their feet to prepare. Estonia and Ukraine grabbed Latvia and ran out of the room to take care of the shattered door and the blood in the hall. Lithuania stuffed the blood-soaked sheets in Ukraine's closet and worked at tidying the room so it looked normal.

Meanwhile, Prussia panicked. "Untie me! Fuck, don't leave me like this, asshole! Don't let him see me like this!"

Ukraine's voice came from the kitchen, dripping with false cheeriness. "Brother, welcome home! How was-" There was a grunt and a smash. Latvia's voice wailed.

"Katyusha," Lithuania whispered. Prussia struggled even harder to get out of the ropes, but they wouldn't budge.

"What have you done?" Russia's voice roared. "Where is he?"

"He's safe," Estonia's voice said calmly. "He's resting in Katyusha's room."

Prussia paled and almost got sick. Lithuania held his hand and stepped in front of the bed, smiling comfortingly.

The hall pounded and Russia ran into the room, wild-eyed and fearful. Lithuania squeezed Prussia's hand and Prussia squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip.

"What happened?" Russia panted. "Toris, is he okay?"

"He's fine," Lithuania said gently. "He just needs to take it easy for a while."

"Move. Let me see him."

Prussia squeaked in fear and Lithuania looked at him. He swallowed.

"I-I d-don't think that's a g-good idea, I-Ivan," Lithuania trembled. He closed his eyes, but stood his ground.

"What do you mean by that?" Russia snarled.

"I-it's just… H-he needs to be alone right now. A-and you…"

"I _what_?"

"Y-you make him uneasy. S-so maybe y-you can visit him t-tomorrow, or-"

Russia smacked Lithuania across the face and he fell to the ground with a shout.

"_Toris!_" Prussia screamed. He fought against the ropes , but the giant Russia held his shoulders down.

"Do not move, _moy daragohy._ Russia will take care of you."

"N-no! Get the hell away from me! Don't touch me, you fucking bastard!"

Russia placed a hand over Prussia's mouth and shushed him. "There, there. You must save your strength. You have not a lot, da?"

Prussia struggled against the hand and tried to call for help. From the floor, Lithuania whimpered.

"I-Ivan… s-stop."

Russia delivered a sharp kick to Lithuania's stomach. "How could you let this happen?" he snarled. "You are trying to kill my little Gilbert!"

Lithuania grunted and curled into a ball.

"Toris!" Prussia shouted.

Russia hushed him. "Shh, _angel moy_. Let me see your arm."

Tears streamed down Prussia's face as he struggled against the ropes. Russia tenderly pulled Prussia's right arm out of the binding.

The pressure against the stitches felt like thousands of knives stabbing into Prussia's wrist. He yelled out in pain and Russia looked at him sympathetically.

"It hurts, da?" The bandage peppered with blood from the pressure. Russia gently unwrapped it.

"Oh dear," Russia said, worried. "These stitches are not good."

Prussia glanced down at the immaculate stitches in his wrist. Estonia was nothing if not precise.

He murmured through Russia's hand. Russia shushed him.

"Save your strength, _moy kotik_. I will redo them."

Russia took his hand from Prussia's mouth and fire immediately shot through Prussia's arm as Russia ripped each stitch out, one by one.

"AUGH! STOP! STOP!"

"Shhh," Russia comforted. "I will be quick."

"STOP!" Prussia's skin burned as Russia slid the rough thread out, sparing no time. Prussia convulsed against the white hot pain.

Prussia suddenly felt a pop in his wrist. His hand was immediately bathed in hot, sticky wet. His eyes widened.

"No!" Russia cried out. "No, what happened? Why are you bleeding?"

"Get the fuck away from me! You opened it up again!"

Russia put all his weight on the bleeding arm and his eyes filled with tears. "I-I didn't mean to! I swear!"

Lithuania struggled to his feet and pushed Russia away. "_Move_," he said icily. Russia stood back and Lithuania stumbled onto Prussia's arm. Prussia squeezed his eyes shut. Lithuania pulled the skin of the arm together and put all his weight above the wound. He glared at Russia.

"Needle and thread. It's in the cabinet by the oven. Run."

Russia ran out of the room, panicking.

"Goddammit," Lithuania murmured.

"Toris," Prussia said. "Leave it. Let me bleed."

"Don't be an idiot," Lithuania grimaced. "I'm not letting you die."

"Why not?"

Lithuania met Prussia's eyes. He let his face fill with pain. "Because life gets better. Even after this. I believe with all my heart that it's going to be okay, and if you miss out on that big, beautiful future because I let you, I'll never forgive myself."

"How can it possibly get better, Toris? This place is Hell."

"I know," Lithuania smiled. He rolled up his sleeve gingerly and offered his wrist to Prussia. Prussia gasped at the dark, jagged scar.

"I know this place is Hell. I know what it's like to want to die every waking moment of your life. I know what it's like when your best friend leaves during the scariest day you've ever had. I _know_. I know fear, I know shame, I know that filthy feeling that won't go away no matter how hard you scratch. I used to fight it just like you."

Prussia's eyes flashed. "Don't ask me to stop fighting, Toris. Don't ever ask me to give in."

Lithuania finally stopped the crimson blood from spurting. He smiled. "Yesterday I would have begged you to give in. Yesterday, it was the only option in my mind."

Prussia cocked his head. Lithuania wiped the blood from his face.

"But today," he whispered, "I watched someone leave. Just grab her things and run out of the house. I didn't know that was an option. I forgot my legs could work that way."

Prussia smiled. "Liz has balls alright."

Lithuania wiped the blood from Prussia's arm and poured a little alcohol on it. "It made me think about all of the things that were possible that I'd never really thought of. Like, if there's an apple tree, I can either eat an apple or not. But I can also stack the apples, make strudel, throw them, carve faces in them, juggle, whatever. I can build a fort with apples like I used to do with snow when I was a kid! It never occurred to me that that might be an option."

Prussia cocked an eyebrow. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Life under Russia can feel like everything is either black or white," Lithuania said. "It's so hard here that we forget that there's a million different vibrant colors waiting for us to see them. Just waiting. I want to see colors again, Gilbert. I do. And I want you to see them with me. Because I know exactly what you're going through right now, and it makes me afraid for you. You need to see colors just as much as anyone else in the world."

Russia burst into the room, carrying a needle and thread. Lithuania snatched it out of his hand and glared.

"Leave us," Lithuania growled.

Russia bowed his head apologetically and left the room. Lithuania set to suturing Prussia's wrist.

Prussia whistled. "You're a badass today, Tor."

Lithuania laughed lightly. "I didn't know I could be. Now I do."

Prussia winced as the needle slid in and out of his skin. He bit his lip.

"My state is dissolved," he said. "I'm nothing."

Lithuania shrugged. "You're not a country. But there's a million different vibrant choices laid out for you right now. You're not either a country or not a country. You can be _anything_ right now."

"Like what?"

"You tell me," Lithuania smiled as he wrapped clean bandages around the fresh stitches. "There must be something that makes you smile more than anything else in the world. What is it?"

Lithuania untied the ropes and Prussia gingerly sat up. He grinned slyly. "Sticks."

"What?"

"My brother," Prussia smiled. "Liz. Feli. Fuck, even Specs."

Lithuania smiled. "So what you can be is with them."

Prussia frowned. "Would they even want me back? The world wants me dead."

"The Prussian State _is_ dead," Lithuania said sadly. "That's done. But Gilbert Beilschmidt, the heart of Prussia, is one badass motherfucker who just won't die."

Prussia's eyes widened and he laughed. "Dude, _what_?"

"You heard me."

Prussia laughed loudly until he broke into a happy coughing fit. "You _swore_," Prussia choked. "That's hilarious!"

Lithuania blushed. "I-I heard America say it once and…"

"Dude, don't apologize," Prussia giggled. "That was awesome!"

Lithuania smiled and stood up straight. "Are you feeling alright?"

Prussia nodded and put his feet on the ground. He winced, confused, and Lithuania rushed to his side.

"Been a while, huh?" he said. "I forgot, being tied up doesn't allow a whole lot of opportunity for walking."

Prussia paled in pain as Lithuania hoisted him to his feet and held him up under his arms. He took a feeble step forward and gasped in pain.

"The first one's the worst," Lithuania nodded in encouragement. "It comes back to you after that."

Prussia and Lithuania staggered to the door. Prussia stopped suddenly and looked at Lithuania curiously.

"Are you okay?" Lithuania asked.

Without warning, Prussia threw his arms around Lithuania's neck.

"Toris," he whispered. "You're an angel."

"S-sorry?" Lithuania blushed.

"You're an angel and the sweetest man I know. Thank you so much."

Lithuania hugged Prussia back. "You're welcome, Gilbert."

**Runter von mir: "Get it off me"**

**Hilf mir: "Help me"**

**I'm happy, just one more chapter to go and I'll have purged all my awfulness! Yay!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Waah! Thank you for reading! This was really good to get out of my system! I'm so happy that you guys liked it enough to finish!**

**Chances are in a few weeks I'll go back and clean up the first chapter so I don't scare so many people off with the rape. But until then, thank you so much for reading! You guys are the best!**

**For more on Prussia after, see crocious' "My Brother's Smile." It's the same universe, modern day. **

Lithuania led Prussia around the house a few times, slowly and patiently. Every few steps, Prussia would have to lean against the wall and pant in exhaustion. The muscles in his legs were worryingly atrophied.

"Don't overdo it," Lithuania murmured as Prussia slumped against the wall. "You're going to be really sore tomorrow."

Prussia grinned giddily. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to walk? I don't care how bad it hurts tomorrow, I wanna keep going!"

Lithuania smiled softly. "I'm worried that you'll hurt yourself. At least take a break?"

The hall filled with delicate footsteps and both men stiffened.

"It's just me," Ukraine said, coming around the corner. She had a fresh black eye and Lithuania ran to her to examine it.

"Katyusha, that looks really bad!"

"It's not so bad," she smiled painfully. "I just came to tell you Ivan's locked himself in his room. So you can relax."

Prussia breathed a sigh of relief and made his way to Ukraine.

"Did Russia do that to you because of me?"

Ukraine waved her hand nonchalantly. "He doesn't really need a reason these days. He's been stressing himself out enough over bills and things."

Prussia looked at the floor and blushed. "Katyusha… thank you."

Ukraine pulled Prussia into a tight hug and kissed his head. "You are not alone, Gilbert," she said. "You have people that care about you and want you to be happy. This house is filled with people who understand you and want you around. Please remember that."

Prussia tried to pull his face out of Ukraine's breasts. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't ever scare us like that again, okay? Once is too often, twice is a heart attack. I don't know what three times is, and I am not eager to find out."

Prussia smiled and yawned.

"Let's get you to bed," Lithuania said.

Prussia's eyes widened as he thought of freezing concrete, the ropes, that horrible stain he knew would still be there. He began to tremble.

Ukraine pulled him to her chest once more. "We're not putting you back down there, Gilbert. You will use Elizaveta's bed, is that okay?"

Prussia nearly laughed in relief. "O-okay."

Ukraine and Lithuania led Prussia to an empty room. Prussia looked in and laughed.

"That's so Liz!"

The room was an absolute mess. Hungary was usually very neat, but she told Prussia that she was purposely messing up her room to spite Russia. There were newspaper articles tacked haphazardly to the wall, some relevant, others simply to be obnoxious. The sheets and blanket were mussed and looked as if she hadn't made her bed once since the occupation. The floor was covered in clothes, books and other odds and ends Hungary had decided, for one reason or another, not to take with her as she fled. The only thing that didn't look as if Hungary had attacked it was a neat little Bible at the foot of her bed.

Ukraine moved to pick up the floor, but Prussia stopped her. "Wait. Can we… can we leave it like this for a while?"

Ukraine looked confused, but she stood up. "There should be some spare pajamas in the dresser. You've lost so much weight, they'll probably fit."

Prussia laughed weakly as Ukraine left. Lithuania looked around nervously.

"I know you'd like some privacy…"

"Toris, relax," Prussia smiled warmly. "I feel safe here. I'm not going to do anything."

Lithuania bit his lip. "Even so, Russia would probably kill me if I let you sleep alone tonight. I'll be back in an hour with some medicine, okay?"

"Thank you, Toris."

Lithuania gave one last uneasy look around the room and shut the door behind him. Prussia sighed in relief.

Putting on the nightclothes was a struggle, considering Prussia was still so weak. But he managed, taking care to be gentle with his arm. He moved his arms around, loving the feeling of having fabric, even coarse, worn fabric, protecting him. He hugged himself and sat in on the bed, sighing in pleasure as the hard mattress gave into his weight.

He didn't want to be creepy or anything, but as he sank under the covers, he couldn't help but notice Hungary's scent- a mix of fresh bread, honeysuckle and grass. Prussia pressed his face into her pillow.

"Please be safe," he whispered. "Please be okay."

Prussia accidentally kicked the Bible off the bed and started. It had been ages since he thought about God, but kicking a Bible seemed intuitively sacrilegious. He picked it up and traced the cover.

"You'll look out for her, right?" he asked the book. "You'll make sure she gets home okay? I can't remember if that's in you jurisdiction or whatever."

The Bible tumbled from his fingers into his lap. Prussia picked it back up and his eyes widened at the revealed page, written neatly in Hungary's distinct hand. She had apparently replaced all the original Bible pages with her journal.

That was _definitely _sacrilegious.

Curiously, Prussia turned to the very first page. Hungary's handwriting looked up at him sadly.

"_Dear God. Please forgive me for writing in the Holy Bible. I've been praying every night, but you don't seem to hear me. So I guess this is a bum Bible anyway, but it still seems wrong."_

Prussia smiled and lay back as he read. He could almost hear Liz's voice speaking.

"_I'm scared, God. Ivan finally let me out of the basement after I begged and begged, and he promises he won't hurt me anymore, but I don't want to sleep. I'm terrified that he'll come through the door tonight."_

Prussia turned red and flipped the page. Maybe the rest of Hungary's diary was fair game, but that stuff was private. That was hers alone unless she asked him to listen.

He flipped through a few more pages absently and came to an angry scrawl.

"_Dear God. Please kick Russia in the balls."_

Prussia laughed and flipped until he caught sight of his name.

"_God, I know we have to deliver ourselves from the Deadly Sins, but it's really, really hard for Gilbert. He insists that "surrender" is a bad word in German. I keep telling him not to be so stupid; Ivan doesn't recognize what he's doing as pride. But he insists that he's not going to lose to that psychopath. He's playing an entirely different game! So somehow the dumbass (forgive me) has decided to play this insane game of chicken against Ivan, who isn't even looking at the road. Gilbert is going to get himself killed. Please, please make him see."_

Prussia frowned and flipped the page.

"_Dear God. Is this a test? Are you testing us to see if we're worthy of Heaven? By sending us to Hell first? Latvia is getting very sick and I can't stretch our food any further. By this point, the stew is more water than potato. We haven't had meat in You know how long and the kid just won't grow. He needs real food, badly. We all do. I hate to even think it, but if Gilbert wasn't on another stupid hunger strike, Latvia may have ended up in the hospital this week. He's my best friend, God. It kills me that he's doing this to himself, but he probably saved Raivis' life. Why is this happening to us?"_

Prussia turned the page.

"_God, if you're there I need you. Please. Send me a sign. Anything. Shooting star, extra eggs, sun. I'll even take a good dream. I haven't had a good dream in so long, God. Everything is blood and dying and hunger and Gilbert. Just let me dream about Feli's smile. Or Roderich. Or home. Let me dream about home. Please, God. Give me anything. I want so much to believe that you're watching us and looking out for us. I want so badly to believe that everything's going to be okay. I want to hope, God. Please let me hope. Please. Send me a sign. I need you to let me know you're real."_

Prussia trembled as he turned the page. A tear slipped down his nose.

"_Dear Diary,"_ it read.

Prussia traced the words with his finger and sobbed.

"Oh, Liz…"

…

The next thing Prussia knew, Lithuania was shaking him awake. Prussia sat up and Lithuania smiled apologetically.

"Take some medicine and go back to sleep, okay?"

Prussia looked distastefully at the foul liquid in the cup. "Do I have to?"

"Only if you want to get better."

Prussia sighed and swirled the syrup around. "Toris… Do you think Liz is okay?"

Lithuania sat on the edge of the bed and smiled. "Elizaveta has decimated entire armies just to get home for lunch. She's still that scary, rough, incredible little girl. I'm sure she's fine."

Prussia felt the diary under his pillow and bit his lip. "I mean… can she be happy again? After all this?"

"You're stalling," Lithuania said. "Drink the medicine."

Prussia laughed and drank. He gagged. "Ugh, that's _horrible_!"

"Sorry," Lithuania said. He pulled the covers over Prussia's shoulders and Prussia laid down.

"So?" Prussia asked.

Lithuania threw his arm over Prussia's chest and lay next to him. "Elizaveta is one of the strongest people I know. And she's never happier than when she gets to fight for something. I'm sure wherever she is by now, she's practically giddy."

"Why? She left. What's she have to fight for now?"

Lithuania closed his eyes and stroked Prussia's hair. "She'll fight for you."

Prussia blushed. "Me?"

"Oh yes," Lithuania smiled. "When she gets home, the very first thing she's going to do after a long, long bath is load her guns and get her horse ready. She's coming back for you."

Prussia smiled. "Heh. She just can't resist me, can she?"

Lithuania yawned. "The sun will go out before Elizaveta ever goes back on her word."

And like that, Prussia and Lithuania drifted off into dreamless sleep.

…

Prussia stood at the door, paralyzed with nervous energy. Russia had given everyone the day off for some reason and Estonia suggested that it might be the perfect opportunity for Prussia to walk around outside for the first time in years. Ukraine had lovingly wrapped Prussia in three coats and her own scarf. It had been weeks since that day and Prussia was getting stronger- otherwise, the sheer weight of the clothing would have brought him to his knees.

Lithuania waved to Prussia encouragingly to step out. Prussia took a deep breath and, smiling, walked onto the porch.

The sun was blinding. That had to be the reason his eyes suddenly filled with tears. Against Russia's November snow, light bounced with the grace of a hyperactive child carrying a machine gun. It felt unwieldy. It felt painful.

It felt wonderful.

Prussia looked up into the rare blue sky and wept. The air was clean and crisp and it burned Prussia's lungs, but he took heavy, grateful gulps. The icy wind bit his frail skin and it felt like it was being torn. But he loved it. He loved it more than anything.

"Gilbert?" Latvia called. "Is everything okay?"

Prussia wiped his face hurriedly. "Yeah, great. I just can't move in the stupid snow."

Prussia suddenly felt the urge to look back at the house. His eyes traced the chipped brick foundation, the decaying wood, the patched roof. It looked so weak.

Prussia's eyes suddenly met Russia's from the kitchen window. Russia had dark circles under his eyes from not enough sleep. His face was bloodless, empty. He lifted the bottle of vodka to his lips and Prussia turned back to face the sun.

"Toris," he called. "I want to see the Wall."

Lithuania put down his snowball in surprise just as Latvia's made contact with the back of his head.

"Oof. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I just need to see it."

Lithuania left Ukraine, Estonia and Latvia to their snowball fight and joined Prussia. "Seeing it isn't going to change anything, you know."

Prussia put on his best smirk. "I just wanna see where the world ends."

Lithuania frowned and walked ahead of Prussia, making sure to leave clean footsteps in the snow for Prussia to walk in.

Lithuania led him for hours, walking slowly. Prussia had the vague sense that someone was following them, but he didn't want to look back.

Lithuania shivered nervously. "Is it-"

"Probably," Prussia shrugged.

Lithuania gulped. "I don't want to fight Russia…"

"I don't think he's coming to fight," Prussia said. "I think he's just watching."

Lithuania looked back. "Creepy."

"I know." They passed a dilapidated tool shed and a misused road. Though it was winter, a lone man was trying to break up the asphalt with a sledgehammer. Or that's what Prussia thought he must have been doing. Otherwise, he was just being weird.

And suddenly, he saw it.

The Berlin Wall rose like a grey scar between the earth and the sky. Prussia stopped in his tracks and his breath escaped him.

Lithuania looked back sympathetically. "Are you okay?"

And then Prussia was running. The snow was deep and his legs were still weak, but he ran and tumbled and crawled to the wall. His face burned with cold and tears and ice and he crawled and tumbled until he came to the wall.

Lithuania chased after him. "Gilbert, _wait_! You're going to hurt yourself!"

Prussia put his gloved hand to the wall, half expecting a heartbeat from the monster that kept him from home. He pressed his face to the icy stone and sobbed.

Eighteen inches. He was eighteen inches from home. Eighteen inches from West and Liz and beer and safety. Eighteen inches of stone. Eighteen inches of barbed wire. Eighteen inches of prison.

Lithuania caught up with him, panting into the thin air. "Gilbert, you need to save your strength."

Prussia fell to his knees and sobbed into the wall. "I… I want to go home…"

Lithuania hugged him from behind.

A cold voice swam sickeningly through the icy air. "I try to tell you, comrade. That is not your home anymore."

"Ivan, stop," Lithuania said to the bundled figure behind him.

Russia tilted his head innocently. "Home is where people care for you and wait for you to come back. There is nothing like that for you on the other side of that wall. Only here. Now come back home and I will make you some soup, da?"

"Enough!" Lithuania shouted. "You're hurting him!"

Prussia trembled silently. Russia was right. There was a letter postmarked from Hungary that came a few days ago, but Russia had burned it as soon as he'd read it.

"It is too sad for you to think about," he'd told Prussia. Images of Hungary flashed through Prussia's mind and the immense impossibility that she and every hope of home could be dead. He'd excused himself from the breakfast table and got sick in the bathroom.

Even if Hungary had somehow managed to get home, what were the chances that she'd still think about Prussia enough to want to come back for him? And even if she did care enough, when she left he had been in bad shape. Who would risk re-imprisonment for somebody who was probably already dead?

And it had been thirty years since he'd last seen his brother. What were the chances that West still even remembered him, let alone wanted him back? Even if Prussia could get through eighteen inches of concrete, where would he go if he had no home anymore?

Russia was right. The decrepit prison house was the only home left to him. At least there, people would be happy to see him. Even through the torture of a slow death of starvation and anonymity, there were people he would share it with and they would be able to die quietly, together. Such was Communism, he supposed.

Prussia looked up at Lithuania helplessly. Lithuania silently held him.

"Come home," Russia said. "You are one with Russia, now."

Prussia leaned against the wall and stood up. He'd been kidding himself when thought he'd heard yelling from the wall last night. There was nothing on the other side. Nothing.

"G-Gilbert…" the air moaned.

Prussia looked around. "What was that?"

"Gilbert…!"

Prussia looked around to see if anyone else heard it. The crazy old man with the sledgehammer came up behind Russia to watch the three curiously.

"Did you hear that?" Prussia asked hopefully.

"G-Gilbert! GILBERT! _Gott verdammt_! Bruder!"

Prussia's heart skipped a beat and his heart jumped into his throat. "W-West?" he whispered.

Lithuania laughed as tears spilled down his face. The empty wall screamed and thudded as hidden fists beat against it.

"GILBERT! GILBERT! Please, _mein Gott_, please!"

Suddenly Hungary's voice joined him. "Ludwig, _stop_! You're going to hurt yourself!" Prussia broke into a sob.

"Sh-she's okay!"

Winter swirled around Russia and the crazy man edged away.

"BRUDER! Can you hear me? _BRUDER_!"

A shuddering laugh escaped Prussia's throat. "Shut up, West!" he yelled back. "I hear you!"

The pounding stopped. "G-Gilbert? You're there?"

"Oh my god," Hungary sobbed. "You're okay! Gil, you're okay!"

"Ve!" a familiar voice chimed in. "I hear him too! Is that really you, Gilbert?"

Prussia hugged the wall as if he could reach his family through it. "Liz… we thought you were dead!"

"There isn't a thing in the world that could keep me down!"

Prussia laughed happily, tears streaming down his face. He briefly looked at Lithuania to make sure the voices weren't just in his head. Lithuania wept happily and grinned.

"Get back over here, _arsloch_," Germany's voice said gruffly. "It's your turn to take out the trash!"

"Screw you, _dummkopf!_"

Prussia looked wildly around at the townspeople slowly surrounding the wall. Lithuania ran up to the stone and shouted his relief over to Hungary.

"I can't believe you're okay!"

"Toris!" she shouted back. "Is everyone okay?"

"We are now! I can't believe you made it! You're amazing!"

Meanwhile, Prussia caught Russia's violet eyes.

"I'm going home," he said.

Prussia grabbed the sledgehammer out of the crazy man's hands and silently dared Russia to stop him. Russia stood emptily.

Lithuania caught sight of Prussia. "What are you doing with that?"

"Move aside, Toris!" Prussia shouted. He swung the hammer and the concrete trembled as he hit it.

"Don't overdo it," Lithuania shouted. "You're still not completely healthy!"

"I'll rest when I'm dead!" Prussia shouted as he swung the hammer again. Bits of concrete fell like snow.

Prussia stopped to catch his breath and he heard it.

Shouting and pounding and laughing and shattering.

His family was coming for him.

Prussia threw the hammer to the ground and tore wall away from the hole he'd made. He saw pipe and wire and ripped them out with his gloves.

Lithuania took up the hammer and beat the concrete with him. There was shouting from the other side, laughing, horrible jokes and bets to see who could break through first.

Prussia wept happily and ripped the wall, piece by horrible piece. He suddenly saw a white hole in the other side and a beautiful, wonderful, incredible blue eye filled it.

"West!" Prussia cried.

"Bruder!"

They shoved their arms through the holes and grabbed each other's hands.

"Gilbert, I missed you so-"

"Less talky, more breaky!" Prussia yelled. They broke away and ripped the concrete away with a refreshed fury.

Lithuania joined him, ripping giant slabs of wall away. The hole got bigger and bigger until-

"LOOK OUT!" Hungary screamed.

The top of the wall tumbled, crumbling into dust and rocks. Prussia and Lithuania jumped away and yelped. There was a magnificent, beautiful, awesome crash. Prussia shielded his eyes and coughed the concrete dust out of his lungs.

He forced himself to look up. There, two feet in front of him, was home. Germany coughed violently and shook the dust out of his hair. Italy sneezed excitedly, trying to see through the cloud of dust. Hungary still looked haggard and worn, but her dirty face had long, clean tracks of tears. Austria held a large slab of concrete, his eyes betraying all kinds of emotions Prussia had never seen on him.

And then Prussia was jumping. He jumped on his little brother and wept into Germany's shoulder. Germany fell back onto the snow, laughing, sobbing, holding his brother as if he was terrified he was a dream. They held each other for the first time in thirty years, not bothering to be gentle or tender. The hugged as if they were the only anchors keeping the other from falling into the sky.

Hungary jumped on top of the pair, yelping in glee. She kissed every inch of Prussia she could reach, sobbing in happiness. She looked across the rubble to Lithuania and held out her hand.

Lithuania grinned. "Let me go get my things."

"Hurry," Prussia laughed. "You were right!"

Laughing, Lithuania ran back, past the crowd of people, past Russia.

Germany squeezed Prussia to his chest and cried into his hair. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay," Prussia laughed. "I'm always okay. I'm the king of okay!"

Hungary sobbed and held his wrist. "I was so scared…"

Prussia pressed her forehead to his lips. "I'm sorry, Liz. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She sobbed harder and brought his wrist to her lips. "I will kill you if you ever scare me like that again."

Germany buried his face in his brother's neck. "I missed you so much," he murmured.

"I missed you too, bruder."

"Ve!" Italy laughed. "Welcome home!"

Prussia looked up and wiped his face. Austria blushed and nodded at him. Italy's face streamed with happy tears. Hungary wept and trembled and laughed. Germany stared at Prussia, trying to burn his face in his memory.

Prussia smiled.

"I'm home."

**Please ignore timeline issues for my sake, kay? I know Hungary opened up to Austria in May 1989 and the Berlin Wall came down in November. I am aware. But please ignore any chronology issues you think are dumb.**

**I can't help but smile whenever I think about the Berlin Wall. It's proof that ral life has happy endings **


	5. Epilogue

**Hey. Um. I finished the epilogue, if you like epilogues. I promise my motivation to finish was not significantly influenced by my resentment/rage that stupid Russia made the Grand Final and the Prussiatastic Austrians didn't. That would make me a bad person, which I'm not.**

The house was silent. Emptily, maddeningly, unbelievably silent. Russia didn't like when it was so silent. It made him afraid.

Russia looked out the window of his kitchen. Years ago, when his family still lived with him, the snow was crunched and thrown and rolled and played in. He distinctly remembered Ukraine and Belarus arguing over what to use as a nose in their snowman of their brother. He remembered Lithuania sketching the sleeping tree covered in snow while Estonia and Latvia battled each other with snow balls. He remembered the way Prussia's red eyes filled with tears the last time he ever walked on Russian snow. It was so many years ago.

Or was it yesterday?

Russia looked at his motionless clock and back out on his yard. The snow was not trampled on. It was smooth, clean and heavy. It had been that way for a very long time.

How long? How long had it been since Winter was anything but loneliness and white? How long had it been since the snow brought joy to anyone's heart? How long had it been since Russia warmed up his family with a hot pot of soup after a long day playing, singing, laughing in the cold?

Russia lifted the bottle of Vodka to his lips. Too long, he thought.

Something caught his eye and he paused, looking at the dark purple bruise on his knuckles. He frowned. He didn't really think he liked bruises, but he must have, deep down. Otherwise, why would he keep asking for them?

The kitchen echoed around Russia. It sounded exactly the way it looked- swirly, blurry and gray. Russia's head pounded with Vodka whispers and he tried to take his mind off the pain in his head, in his knuckles, his shoulders, and the empty, deadly pain in his chest. He lifted his voice in a hushed melody so he could focus on anything but the pain.

"You are my sunshine… my only sunshine…"

Unbidden, thoughts of his old albino pet flooded his mind. He moaned from the pain of them, but Gilbert's hurt, blood colored eyes bored pitilessly into Russia's soul.

Guilt pulsed through Russia's veins. He should have been able to fix his pet. He should have been able to fix _all_ his pets. Maybe if he had paid more attention to them, they wouldn't have run away. Maybe they would all be spending Christmas together this year, just like a family. Maybe if he had fixed Gilbert, there would be no accusing stain in his Bleeding Room or emptiness in his house.

Russia looked at the door to his basement. It used to be splinters, smashed to bits the day Gilbert tore his wrist open with the key and Elizabeta ran away from home. It wasn't splinters anymore. His big sister had replaced it the day before she left, crying softly the entire time. It was her goodbye, she'd wept. One last piece of her to keep in his big, empty house. Katyusha had always been so generous with pieces of herself.

And then she took their little sister's hand and they walked out together, one sobbing and the other screaming for Russia not to worry, she'd be back someday to marry him. Then they could be lonely and cold together.

Was it a hundred years ago that they'd said goodbye, or tomorrow?

Russia twisted the cold metal knob of the Goodbye Door. It opened. Ukraine had been fierce, for once, in her insistence that the Goodbye Door not have a lock. Russia couldn't remember why she cried when she said it, but it seemed important to her, so he agreed. It made him uncomfortable to not have a lock. He was a kind brother, though, and always did his best to make the people he loved happy.

The basement air was black and damp. He touched the walls and his fingers came away wet. On some level, he knew walls were not supposed to bleed like that, but like most things in his house, he'd come to accept it. His bare feet padded the cold concrete floor and he lifted his voice again to distract from the lonely echoes.

"You make me happy… when skies are gray…"

The rotting wood hit Russia's nose and he caught his breath. The door to Bleeding Room echoed whispers and whimpers and screams. It made him afraid.

Russia looked back up to the Goodbye Door at the top of the staircase and wished his sister had reconsidered installing a lock. Whenever Russia went into the Bleeding Room, he wanted privacy without having to remind himself that he was all alone in his big house anyway. He gently pushed open the door to his penance and stepped inside.

The Bleeding Room was small, but it was nearly empty, so it seemed rather larger. The only color other than the gray, gray, gray, was in the corner of the room, where Russia kept the last of his family. A red stain in the concrete floor that looked up at him expectantly.

The very last piece he had of his pets.

Russia knew on some level that a blood stain was nothing to love, but it was all he had. So he cared for it, as he had the pet that made it. He wiped the Room's mildewed blood away so it wouldn't wash out. He sang to it to give it sweet dreams. When it browned and crackled and shrank, he fed it.

He smiled and sat on the floor next to the blood. He stroked it.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you…"

A few brownish flakes came off the floor and Russia frowned. He thought he'd fed the blood just the other day. Or was it last year? The unbelievable white outside his kitchen stretched forever, muddying nights and days and time. Or was that Vodka?

Suddenly, Russia felt like he understood why everyone he'd ever loved left him. What kind of owner forgets when to feed and play with his pets? Had he always been this irresponsible? He couldn't even remember the last time he'd eaten anything. Vodka filled his stomach more deeply than bread could. And bread didn't make his heart stop aching the way Vodka did.

"I'm sorry," Russia whispered to the bloodstain, wishing he could run away from himself too. He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to cry. He only tried to cry when no one could see him, and no one had seen him for a very long time.

But the tears didn't come. They never did, not anymore. Not since his family left him. Something broke in him the last time Natalia kissed his cheek, the last time Katyusha straightened his scarf, the last time Toris stared at him without saying a word. Something broke, and now his tears froze in his eyes before they ever touched his cheeks.

Russia hugged himself and the walls of the Bleeding Room echoed with his dry sobs. There was a time, maybe this morning or last Christmas, when he could stop from feeling sad. He remembered Elizabeta smacking his hand with a spoon when he tried to take a hot cookie from the pan. And Eduard making tea just the way he liked. And Raivis building armies of snowmen in the yard.

And Gilbert. Russia's stubborn, beautiful little kitten. Once, stroking Gilbert's silver hair as he slept in the Bleeding Room had been enough to make Russia stop wanting to die when the snow tumbled through the sky.

But Gilbert was gone now. Everyone was gone. And all Russia had left of the people he loved was a dry, starving bloodstain from the day he started to lose them.

The dry sobs almost sounded like laughter as Russia pulled a rusting switchblade from his coat pocket. He opened it and took a second to wonder why the brown patches on his knife were exactly the same color as the blood on the floor. Then he rolled up his sleeve and sliced his wrist.

The new blood poured from the scarred arm like a clean glacial river. It was sickeningly bright crimson and the floor drank greedily. Russia's dry sobs gave way to pants of pain as he sobered, just enough to wish he could die this time.

But the stain needed him to nourish it, just as once upon a time, his family had needed him. Russia's eyes burned, but the tears wouldn't come. He squeezed his fist tight just as he started to see black spots dancing in the corners of his vision.

"Please don't take… my sunshine… away…"


End file.
